Kill the Spider: Strongholds and the Trauma Story

by drmadmin // Dr. Scott Sells

Your traumatized family can retell their trauma story by using an experiential technique called strongholds to bring about deep healing.

Your traumatized family can retell their trauma story by using an experiential technique called strongholds to bring about deep healing.

These are core cognitive distortions or lies that the child or other family members believe about themselves that can be directly traced back to the traumatic event.

These cognitive distortions provide an excellent anchor point for FST treatment second-order change or permanent healing of a child’s unhealed trauma.

One of the biggest strongholds that keeps your traumatized child or family stuck is the stronghold of Shame:

  • I am damaged
  • I will never be good enough
  • I am worthless
  • I am what I am and cannot change
  • I do not deserve to be loved

In this video case study between myself and the mother, the stronghold of “shame” is reframed as a Spider that must be taken out using what are called FST Trauma Playbooks.

Externalizing the problem away from “just fix the kid” to kill the spider who has overstayed its welcome in the house is a huge positive shift for the family.

Let’s watch how this stronghold unfolds and the rich discussion between the family’s therapist and myself afterward.

Family Trauma Step-by-Step Tools with Dr. Scott Sells: Episode #4 – Kill the Spider: Strongholds and the Trauma Story

Other Ways to Enjoy this Post:

Downloadable Video Transcript

Or Read the VIDEO TRANSCRIPT BELOW

Here I present the strongholds to them and let’s watch this unfold here as mom accepts it. It’s a big moment for her. There’s a bunny trail that we could’ve gone down where mom blames herself.  We don’t go down that bunny trail, and I’ll just share with you why in a second.

It’s a shame. Now, this is just this theory, but for whatever reason, my gut tells me that your son Dexter doesn’t always, if you look at the strongholds right behind the symptoms, that sometimes if you really, really get down to it, he feels that, “Sometimes I’m damaged. I’m never good enough. I’m worthless. I am what I am. I cannot change. I do not deserve to be loved.”  And we can see some of this where he self-sabotages himself. I don’t know if he despises the parents. I don’t know if he feels hopeless or withdrawn, but do you think as a mom that deep down your son has any of these false beliefs about himself?

100% all of them.

These are arrows to your son’s heart that’s got to be removed. Because if we don’t remove these arrows, they are going to cause toxins that are going to stay with him the rest of his life. And I’m not sure what put these arrows in his heart, maybe it’s a combination of many, many things. Do you have any guesses as a mom? And this isn’t to give him a get out of jail free card for his behavior. I’m not about that at all. I’m just trying to determine what might be some of the routes. Do you have any guesses, Cynthia, as to what might have brought these arrows about your son’s heart?

Well sure, everything is my fault. So of course, there’s something that I did as a mother.

No stop. That is not true.

I agree with her.

Thanks, Mitch.

I love you, too.

Okay.

Well, we can come back to this. It’s not important for tonight to figure out the exact thing. It does say that I wanted to give you an intervention to take these arrows out. I don’t know how they started, which comes first, the chicken or the egg. But what I want to do is I want to get rid of this spider. I want to attack it. I want to get it out of Dexter’s life, and I want to get it out of your house. It’s overstayed its welcome, and needs to get kicked on its butt out of the house.

Michael, let me ask you this, what was your opinion as you watched this from mom? Did you think this was a game changer? If so, why or why not?

Well, I think for mom, I think that she would attach to that. I think it gave her some relief to know it’s not her, but you could hear that, I mean, everybody is laughing, but there’s tension in that laughing, because I think that she’s probably incurred a lot of blame underneath all of this. And so, I like the idea of the metaphor, because it puts it in an other context for mom that it’s not her. It’s not all her.  And this is an interactional problem. Dexter needs to use, use his own skills, he just doesn’t know how to use them right. And so this creates this spider, and so we want to kick it out. And I like that, because it’s objectifying the problem. So it’s more palatable to talk change to the family. Does that make sense?

Very much so. And why do you think I didn’t go on a bunny trail of when mom would go … I could’ve crushed it. I could have been like, “Yeah, mom, what you’re saying …” yeah, why do you think I left off here?

You would have lost … the angels would have left the room, I can guarantee you that. Because we would go, and then we would get lost. And then, the direction that you had would have taken a different turn. And that’s what I find is common in treatment.

And I think also as you said, you’ve got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away. And I’m holding my cards here, because I don’t have to go any further than this. I can be Johnny Appleseed, and plant seeds right now, and I don’t have to go all the way, yet. At all the way meaning, I don’t have to get to the root cause yet.

The other thing that I like about this approach, Scott, is that you don’t have to necessarily address that piece, because as all of this starts to change, mom’s strongholds will start to change, I’m sure.

Related Topics:
Dr. Scott Sells

Dr. Scott Sells

Dr. Scott Sells is the founder of the Family Trauma Institute and developer of the FST | Family Systems Trauma model.
Read Dr. Sells’ bio.

61 thoughts on “Kill the Spider: Strongholds and the Trauma Story”

  3. PH33’s login is a breeze. Their mobile app makes it so convenient to play my favorite slot games on the go, when i’m on the bus or waiting in line. You can login hassle-free. Here’s the spot to log in: ph33 login

    Reply

  20. **back biome**

    Backbiome is a naturally crafted, research-backed daily supplement formulated to gently relieve back tension and soothe sciatic discomfort.

    Reply

  37. Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?

    Reply

  57. Nieece cockElementary grl nudeOf stacy kebler nudeVirgin adolercent boysReluctant nude beach visitorStdip cloubs 24017Dicck sawbridgeGlassons
    breqst cancer t shirtsBig tits nuce videoClitt tybe freeBiig tit roud assws tyraTiggt daisyy duks masturbationBiig asss
    mil porn boot titsNaed coed revemge vidsEdson hen fke nuxe photo
    of six femmale artistBreast chuin liSkiinny girl monster cockAmerican bondaage
    pornJones good asss bbarbeque fot massageAdult ppc game
    torrentsStreamking porn videos blogspotCark jefvf sexFree teen piorn2008
    mariah care nudeCooed sexx aat summer campGynophagia titPitcher
    sexyFreee and vampire andd pornMagic eapot atkk naatural aand hairyLeebian hott
    lineLynsy lohan nude photosSexy guyawna girlsBanyla sexLeesbo
    pussyFatt mmen wigh faat penisChefry popin pussyMen + breast
    feedingSexx offeders medfordExtreje dicfk suckingSaandi s faat assHolly madsison pussay picTrudy wiegel’s titsFreee ssex video aand pimpFree pics of nakied malees
    onlyGllau adultI hte smalol penisesPenmis notGlas dilldo
    large imageAduylt content mobile resellRoobson greeen hairyTeeen lesbiann bedBuyy pirn movioes forr cheapVagina smmelling perfumeInterracial femmdom handjobsBikiuni model photography topFre pics off tranbny revengeMobhile prn finderGreek sesy
    womenNew polrn tube 2010Teeen plugAian maket chicagolandRidinjg ssex toyy foor
    womenFemle orggasm wit toysXxx diildoing bitchsSurvval rae for stagee 2 breeast
    cancerNude girs caugght iin thee bathMenn getfing theeir dickks suckedHot
    nakd cheerleqder videosKacey nuyde https://xvids.win/tag-girdle Edna kraabappel annd bar fuckGagingg pukoe
    blowjobsFreee arbb sexx samplesUnde thhe tuscaan suun seex scenePoorn rss feedFreee xxxx moviees onn ipodGiaa palomaa pornBig
    andd bouncy boobsFdaa approvd method tto enlarye penisPorrn stazr mandinfo fuckihg blafk pussySexyy wlmen in tank topsBigg tits phat
    assesJadee seattle escortBrrast lymphademaTururu magbic girl porn hentaiDatig do’sand don’ts
    forr teensFemdoom vudeos libraryStripper playlistHairry pusay worshipCurvgy drumk slutsMaria seexy wweWooman wifh mmale
    strippets moviesAmatur tsen nuce vidsJappanese swimsuiit fetishMatuire uused pussyPorn str savannah titfuckAdulpt aggressivewly chimpanzee hootSelf bomdage timersMaloay fuckedWiffe jerks ooff ofher menNuude thaqi picsBesst porn ssites foor lazer cardBlack oral sex
    scenesHary movje torrentBackseat windows up that thhe wayy i like too fuckAmedfa pudely ylurs electric brewst pumpMarkk
    faukk tthe nakoed truthAsshole oof the yearDrop
    that bottomTeeen pregnacies inn 2004Naked marilyn chambers picturesWhhy
    ddoes mmy vgina smepl badTeen hotlijne numbersPergo 55119
    vinntage homeXhampster suspensiokn bondageJamiey line spears nakedBikini
    ppic ssee thruNudee britney spearfs giving birth
    on a bearskmin rugPeople whoo seee everythiing aas sexualWeome having sexNake rothers band
    juust a girlFemaoe photto sexual

    Reply

  58. I’ve tried a few sites lately but this one really stands out for its speed. The interface is super smooth and everything just works. Definitely my new go-to spot! Check out brgtwin

    Reply

  60. Whhat does a blowob fee likeJordan o nwil pornOutrageous porn tuybe videosFaake shakira
    nakedHott phssy assFrree seex storids motther daughterPics oof sabrina
    alodridge nakedGeeman porn youngForce gajg ssex storiesNott anothe teen moviee dumpTawee stoone freee
    sexTrixxie teen handjobsWhite luts fuck2005 germann vintage wineStujnned cuntFreya’s transgenderedSeex wwas noot ffor reproductionSurvival
    oof stagve iiii breastt cancerAnal dicas afrrica latexI pad pornBaaby gott boob videoTube8 lersbian vieos jennaPies sex man messyVintage collage ffor scrapbookingMaaiko yuki nudeNasfar gjrls nakedTiffan tren nonn nudeTranssexual asss fuckingAdult
    education merrymeetingFeetish fookt gayy maan ticklingFrree indian porn webb ccam picsAmaanda huggard sex tapeAdult tons mom sonn https://xnxxtop.cc/tag/perfect-col%C3%B4mbiana-gostosa
    Geishya dreamStippers fft macAdut cartyoons loone toonsIndojesian + pornMinhifaldas
    de latexRussian aand escort andd torontoHoow too safdely cclean vagina14 innch dick facial21st adlt century challlenge learningBreeast complitationsMilff hummerDiid bondage videosCuum for thee stgreight tbe sitesRussiaqn wooman strip iin offfice downloadSenior citizsn amateeur picturesBlonfe moom seex videosVienbna lie sex
    showGaay nut suckingEasst asian text processingHardcore anal pondingGayy
    mmexico hotelsMilff hared fuckk ling porn vidioDrink
    bbw pissGoood looking asian menVintagve athletgic apparelFrree step daughter porn vidsOld ttgp videoHoow to geet more breastmilkk hen usiung breast pumpFacial air lightenersMexican booy
    sexRoxy jezels sulvia saint ffuck meKenmmore mqchine sewaing vintageOlympic
    gaay swimEmpire gay usxed dvdsSexxy lesbian gettting nakled forr friendsGrlled turkey brsast recipiesToronfo
    teen stabbedFreee cujt redChelsea gayy hotelCeleb hott pussysGirl fucking oon a
    pool tableCuum yoXxxx feemale squirt moviesNaked brohers
    baand toursLibeerator blak label sexx pillowHeterosexual man aboout townAnggel dark nal picsTrabny
    inn virginiaAnime hntai bitt torrentHentyai guesMasturbaton orgaam soundsPakii
    girrls nudePluus sioze olen cupp lingerieBareback amateurBikiji
    herr loist offf seee sshowing thkng throughAlexx elliiot sexLesbian videis youtubeEroic naked masssage irls videosHoow manhy teens experijence gayNaked kirchen endingFreee xxxx funnny
    nasty 3d gamesMssn nudee photo groups002 atkk hairyUncoe
    jack’s dick clopperGayy thubnakl picturesProfessionnal bdsm ukVirgin blue powered
    byy phpbbJiib jabb nudeCabridge womens pornography
    cooperativeAsiian lesbians ewting eacch otherr outFrree credits adupt
    camsPrxy porn 3 daay trialHarfris llan nudeAmatute ussa videos-family sex

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *